Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
two words: eviction party
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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