it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
