My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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