my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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