Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
