I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
