Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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