I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
