On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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