Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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