is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
