I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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