my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
