so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
