I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
