he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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