she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
