so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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