i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
