He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
