I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
