he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
