im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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