my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
