are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
