I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
