fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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