Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The uberlube is also flammable
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
