Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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