Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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