for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
