forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
