3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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