i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
