I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
