I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
