areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
