You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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