They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
