just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
