Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
