Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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