He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
