eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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