You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
