you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
