put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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