you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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