If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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