FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
