I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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